Embracing a Brighter Future
I became involved with alcohol in what I saw as a casual manner. Going to the pub and drinking a pint is an important part of our culture. This carried on for several years. I never imagined this would be a problem. I met my wife at the pub. My friends married and would hold the reception in the pub. People I knew died, and we held a party in the pub. On Sunday morning, we played football and then went to the pub for a few pints. This was how I lived my life.
One day, I received great news: I was about to become a father. I don’t need to tell you where I was going to celebrate this event! Everything was excellent, my life was good. I had a circle of friends, a beautiful wife, we were starting our own family, and my relatives lived nearby. Perfect!
When my first child was born, many things changed. Well, for me it changed for the worse. It felt like I was incapable of handling it. My wife was tied, the baby was screaming, and I started lying just to get out and have some alone time. I chose to go to the pub for a couple pints because it was my habit.
Obviously, my wife was not pleased, but I continued to prioritise my ‘quality time with me’ over her and our family. My attitude was ridiculous, but I only realise this now. She told me I’m addicted. I never wanted to believe that! We began fighting more and more. As a result, there were an increasing number of excuses to go grab a drink. It is not my fault, right? She’s a woman. Women drive men insane, right? What a ridiculous attitude… She merely wanted me to be present, but I always opted for a pint.
One day my wife mentioned that she and the baby were going away for the weekend. I was quite pleased, it allowed me to enjoy silence with a cold beer at home. So, I happily let them go. At the time, I had no idea I had let them go forever; she never returned. I was shocked. I got angry, sad, annoyed, disappointed, and then angry again. I was immersed in a plethora of mixed emotions. I drank myself nearly out of this planet. I awoke in a hospital, unaware that it had been two years since she left. It felt like two weeks.
Doctors at the hospital offered me treatment once I was revived. At the time, I wasn’t sure whether I should appreciate them for doing everything for me or be angry that they hadn’t left me to die.
I went to rehabilitation. At the very least, it was a better place to be than returning home to the horrors of the past. This was a truly wonderful experience. I was given time and support to evaluate everything about myself, my life, and my actions. However, the constant mention of alcohol drove me insane. Even when I felt better, my addiction beckoned for just one more drink. When I got out of rehab, I kept myself very busy because I thought if I sat down with myself, I’d lose it.
My keyworker told me about Intuitive Recovery. I became intrigued. He assured me that this would be an informative group, not a therapeutic group and that it would help me understand the root cause of my addiction. And he was very right. I liked the course from the first lesson. It finally felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel. I fully understand that behaviour is learnt, and as addiction is just my behaviour, I felt empowered to change it. Understanding how the brain works–this seemed very logical and how the language I use influences my relationship with alcohol. I felt incredibly liberated. The Iron Fist is my favourite tool. I use it every day as it makes me feel grounded.
Now, I am still learning and experiencing life without alcohol. It’s new and at times scary, but I’ve made my commitment and will never drink again, no matter what happens. My wife did not return to me, but we have a good relationship for our child.
Looking forward to everything the world has to offer. Thank you, Intuitive Recovery, for showing me the way.
